Birth Story

I have always been a person who loves intense workouts. Whether it’s an intense sprint workout, running a half marathon, HIIT, lifting with minimal rest, etc. I have always loved pushing myself to the limit and I thought about labor and birth the same way. I visualized my birth as an intense workout.

All I wrote on my birth plan was that I wanted to go natural if I could, and if I couldn’t, go natural for as long as possible. I was open to an epidural, but wanted to try for a natural, vaginal birth.

LOL. Just wait until the first hour of contractions.

I went to the hospital on August 2nd at 2:00 pm. I was convinced my water had broke, was experiencing some cramping, and decided to call the hospital. I went in to get checked and had some fluid leaking and we decided to induce labor because I was already dilated to 3 cm.

I got 1 dose of Cytotec (a cervical ripening tool) which helps induce contractions around 3:00 pm and then another around 9:00 pm. After both doses I had not progressed at all. At 12:45 am I was given a cervical balloon and my contractions began immediately. I walked through them, listened to my birth playlist, used the comb method (gripping combs in your hands in order to distract from the pain of contractions), and tried to tough it out. Around 2:15 am I had my most intense contraction; I couldn’t think or breathe through it. My body was shaking uncontrollably and all my visualizations and affirmations immediately went out the door. I was incredibly nauseous and passed out multiple times; nurses had to use smelling salts to wake me up before I was begging for an epidural.

I have heard people talk about how they are scared of the epidural needle and after I felt the pain of contractions, no pain compares to that. I didn’t look at the epidural needle, I held my nurses hand, and didn’t feel a thing getting mine.

After that, I got to rest and slept a little while I waited for things to progress more. At around 5:55 am Layla’s heart rate dropped due to an infection I had got. I had a fever of 102 degrees. The nurses and doctors monitored us closely and allowed things to continue progressing. At around 7:40 am my cervical balloon came out and I had dilated to 5.5 cm. I was given a dose of Pitocin. And at 9:30 am had my water broken.

At 11:45 am I was dilated to 8 cm and by 1:15 pm I had dilated to 9 cm. I thought this meant it was time to go and I would be ready to push soon. Unfortunately, Layla’s head was sideways and at 4:00 pm nurses and doctors came in to help her move into position more. Around 5:30 pm the nurses and doctors told me it was time to begin pushing soon and I just needed one part of my cervix to open up more. At 6:45 pm I began pushing.

I pushed for 2.5 hours and was under the impression Layla was going to be here soon. Unfortunately after wasting a lot of energy, we learned Layla was OP (face up) and stuck. I was given the option to push for another hour and a half or not risk it and go into an immediate emergency c-section. I hadn’t even thought about a c-section. I was terrified and felt heartbroken because I wanted to have a vaginal birth, but wasn’t willing to risk Layla’s heart rate dropping again or her losing oxygen.

I got prepped for the c-section and had the doctors ask me who would be watching Layla in case something happened to me and needed to give consent for blood transfusions. I didn’t think anything of it and thought it was protocol. At 9:32 pm on August 3rd, 2022, Layla was brought into the world.

I remember meeting Layla for the first time in the operating room and don’t remember much else. While trying to enjoy skin-to-skin with her, I felt light-headed and weak. I wasn’t able to hold her until she was 3 days old because I had no strength or energy. I thought this was normal after being in labor for 30 hours.

Around 11:00 pm I started hemorrhaging. I lost 3.5 liters of blood and was 15 minutes away from having a stroke due to how much blood I lost. My uterus wouldn’t contract back after being in labor for 30 hours and then being cut into for the c-section. My doctors described it as “mush”. I ended up having 2 blood transfusions to stabilize me. It took 14 hours for me to be stabilized and wake up.

In the midst of the chaos, I woke up for a split second and was surrounded by nurses and doctors. They were everywhere. I remember seeing them and being afraid, but I couldn’t talk to ask questions. I remember looking over to my mom and her head was between her legs as nurses calmed her down. All I could do was look at them and I was immediately out of it again.

I didn’t think I would write or talk about my birth story because it was traumatizing to hemorrhage and I didn’t want to scare other women (I would do it all over again if I had to). But I also think it’s important to talk about it with other women because I am so thankful and grateful I was open to not following my birth plan. If I wouldn’t have got my epidural or would’ve continued to push for another hour and a half, I might not be here today.

It’s okay to not follow your birth plan. It’s okay to have things not go as planned. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother. It doesn’t make your birth story any less amazing. Sometimes things just don’t happen the way we think they will and that’s OKAY.

My birth story has taught me so much and after being able to process through it the last 2 months, I’m grateful for what I went through. It has been a lifelong lesson: life is too short. Waking up tomorrow is not promised. Being alive is a blessing. Tell your people you love them, hold them close. Forgive people, stop holding grudges. Don’t waste any day because today is the day to begin what you love. Today is the day to start truly being alive. Don’t make excuses. It was my wakeup call to chase after my passions, to forgive people, to stop entertaining things that aren’t meant for me, and love myself; my life; my people.